It’s OK to be Selfish

You read that right.  Read it again, just to be sure.  Yes, you read that title correctly.  Now, repeat after me:

It’s OK to be selfish.

Read once more.  Say it out loud.  Get the flavor of those words in your mouth and embedded in your mind.  It’s OK to be selfish.

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This is a hard lesson for many people to learn.  We’re told so often that we should think of others, that we should stop being selfish, that what we do or say helps no one but ourselves.

You know what?  Sometimes, it really is OK to be selfish.

This is important not only for mundane life, but for magical practice as well.  In everyday life, most of us are surrounded by people: on our commute, at our jobs, at home with family, etc.  And how many times have you heard “Stop being so selfish” or “you shouldn’t be selfish, you should share,” or any other variation?  My guess is, most of us have heard it many times over the years, and usually when someone wanted something from us, whether that something was our time, our attention, our services, or our toys.  (And don’t even get me started on sharing books . . . that’s another topic entirely.)

It is ingrained into us early on.  Selfishness is bad.  Selfishness on any level is bad.  Being selfish is horrible and negative and ugly.

After 26 years of life, my response is a big “screw that.”  Because I have finally learned it’s OK to be selfish.  It’s OK to take time for myself.  It’s OK to not waste my time and energy helping other people solve their problems when they don’t really want to solve their problems in the first place.  It’s perfectly alright to say no to someone’s request or demand.  It’s OK to not want to share certain things, especially if they’re special to me.  It’s acceptable to be selfish and place my wants and needs first.

Now, I’m not saying we should all turn into selfish brats that never share, never consider other people, and never place others’ needs first.

I am saying that there is a balance.  But first and foremost, you must take care of yourself first.  Otherwise, how can you possibly help anyone else?  If people are asking too much of you and you feel run-down and drained, it’s OK to step back and say you’re not going to help anyone else for a while until you’re back on your own two stable feet.  If people want money from you, but you have bills to pay, it’s OK to say that you have to pay your bills first and don’t have money to spare right now, but that maybe later on you would be able to help.  If people are invading your space and you’re trying to concentrate/study/sleep/relax, it’s OK to request that they leave or quiet down.

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It’s easy to overextend yourself, especially if that’s already in your basic nature.  I used to give so much of myself away to other people without even thinking about what that meant for me.  Then I would feel exhausted and drained and wonder why.  Eventually I figured it out: I was spending so much time and energy focused on others that I had stopped caring about myself.  And that’s when I discovered how pernicious and corrosive the never-be-selfish mindset truly is.

Magically speaking, I think it’s almost necessary to be somewhat selfish.  You have to make sure you’re not too drained, for example, so that you have enough energy to do whatever working or spell you want to do.  Protection spells are all over the place, but some people (myself included) never think to work one even when they need it.  Why?  Because you aren’t necessarily thinking about yourself first, you’re thinking about the other person or people who has posed the threat.  And in much of Paganism, the path is what you make it.  The right path for you is what feels right for you.  No one else.  If that’s not selfish, then what is?  You have to place your feelings and your intuition at the forefront of your mind, because that is what tells you if something is wrong or right.  Someone else could say such-and-such ritual is practiced all the time or so-and-so is a widely respected individual in the community, but if something doesn’t feel right to you, then for you it’s not right.  This idea of going with whatever works best or feels right for the individual is often spoken of in the wider Pagan community, but has anyone stopped to consider how selfish that notion really is?  It’s selfish in that in order for it to be true, each person must put themselves and their feelings first in their world.  And that’s perfectly OK.  You have to know what it is you want for your life in order to go after it, and what you want likely will not mesh with what other people want, or want for you.

It’s OK to put yourself first.  It’s OK to be selfish.  Just don’t get a big head about it!

(PBP) The Letter B: Breath

**This post is part of the Pagan Blog Project. Weeks 3 and 4 are the letter B. For more about PBP, check out their website here.**

As I’ve gone through my studies in the past year, I’ve realized just how important it is to breathe, not only for mundane life or health purposes, but for magickal practice as well.

We all know what breath is.  It’s the intake of air on the inhale, which is then released on the exhale.  Breath keeps us alive.  Without air, without breath, we would die.  We all know this.  But not many of us seem to appreciate this or really even pay attention to it.  We take our breath for granted.  People who have choked before, or who suffer ailments like asthma, or who have severe allergies and allergic reactions that affect breath can tell you exactly what it feels like to be without air.  It’s one of the worst feelings in the world.

So how do we learn to appreciate our breath?  We can breathe deeper.  Seriously.  Most people breathe too shallowly.  I’m very guilty of this.  I breathe so shallowly it sometimes looks like I’m not breathing at all.  When you breathe deeply, you bring more air into the lungs and help circulate more oxygen in the bloodstream at once.  You are rejuvenating your body by breathing more correctly.  Humans are supposed to breathe deeply, but we allow things like stress, activity, pollution, etc. to impede the necessity of deep breathing.

Take a few deep breaths, one after the other (spaced out so you don’t get dizzy).  Feel how the air flows in through your nose, down into your lungs, and out again.  Feel how your lungs expand and make your chest and belly expand.  Then feel how they deflate when you exhale.  Feel how quickly your muscles begin to relax and tension starts to flow from your body.  This is a natural reaction to breathing deeply and well.  When we breathe too shallowly, the body is naturally more tense and is able to combat stress less effectively.  Meditation is a great practice for discovering the connection between breath and body.  Even if you don’t usually use meditation, or don’t want to use it for quieting the mind, you can still use it to improve your breathing and to learn about the breath.  It’s also great for learning breath control, which is somewhat different from just improving breathing.  If you’re a shallow breather like me and want to breathe more deeply on a regular basis, you have to retrain your body.  Most of us aren’t born shallow breathers; it’s something we’ve learned somewhere along the way, either as a reaction to prolonged stress or some other situation, or even as part of a medical condition.  Breath control is choosing consciously when to inhale and when to exhale.  Improving breathing is changing the body’s habit of shallow breathing to deeper breathing, and takes longer to accomplish than breath control.

by Melanie Weidner

In my particular brand of magickal practice (and yes, I realize the following may not be true for other traditions), breath is tied to the element Air and the East.  It’s obvious why breath is part of the Air element, but take that connection a step further.  When you take a breath, you are inhaling Air.  You are taking into your body and personal space the qualities of the element Air.  You are letting that element in.  If you work with the quarters, deep breathing and attention to breath are one of the easiest ways to connect with the East quarter and Air.  If you work with elements and want to see how Air affects you, then study your breath.  You will find how changes in breathing affect your body and your spirit when you study your breath.  Usually when we think of Air, we tend to think of wind.  The question for me was how does wind affect me?  I struggled a little until I realized I could find Air much closer to home.

Question of the Week: Animal Symbolism

Happy Monday all!  I’m getting really interested in researching and learning more about animal symbolism.  So I’d like to know if there are others out there who have knowledge on the subject or are interested.  Here’s this week’s question:

Do you use animal symbolism in your practice/magick/life/etc.?  Are there any animals that have special meaning to you?

Post your answer in the comments below!

Question of the Week: Stones

Without fail, a metaphysical stores is guaranteed to have shelves of stones.  Tumbled, precious, semi-precious, factory-made, natural cut… you’re bound to find stones, and lots of them.  I think it’s safe to say that we all love stones.  They’re pretty and shiny and make for good decorations.  Some of us believe that stones have natural properties that can be utilized for different things, and used to enhance spells and magick.  For example, celestite is said to be good for enhancing psychic qualities and opening the third eye.  Bloodstone is said to help a woman’s menstrual cramps and flow when placed over the womb.  Hematite is good for grounding.

So this week’s question is:

Do you believe stones have natural properties that can be used for our benefit?

As always, replies go in the comments, and no flaming!

Add Some Magick to Your Daily Life

Guest post by Soull

Salutations!

This is Soull, the University Witch. I run my own blog by the same title, but here on A Witchy Life, I’d like to try and give suggestions for bringing magick into your daily life—whether you’re a witch or a mundane.

So what counts as magick? Magick can be a feeling of pleasure, joy, and glee from all things fantastical and whimsical. It can be a fresh cup of brewed tea in a charming antique teacup, or even spell casting using glitter and sparkles. As long as it brings you happiness, joy, or even a sense of tranquility, that is indeed the most magickal thing of all.

Before my love Lore and I moved into our new apartment deeper in the city, we had moved from Canada and stayed with my godparents in a very secluded, large house in the woods. I was very much a suburb and city girl. There were spiders and bugs everywhere, and the weather was horribly hot in Texas over the summer . . . but even so, not even I could ignore the beautiful woods and lake that stemmed not too far out from the house.

That is what this is about! Bringing magick into your day-to-day life . . . by taking a step outside.

Sounds great and all, especially while sitting in a nice, climate-controlled house. Instead of beginning on a fruitless and perhaps miserable journey, take the time to read through some of the following suggestions to help ensure you have a great adventure outdoors . . . and don’t forget to leave the magick behind.

Things to do:

+ Collect beautiful objects. Nature is beautiful when you get down to it. So get down to it. There are plenty of gorgeous things to behold. Bring a basket or even something simple like a plastic cup along with you. If you’re in the woods, look around for flowers of all colors and sizes and collect petals. Sometimes even berries can be collected; blackberries were in the back of our woods. You can use them to make ink! Gorgeous stones can be hunted down and used for making circles, or even something simple like a paperweight. And if you’re by water, seashells are also a great choice for hunting down! When was the last time you took the time to find and enjoy such things? I doubt Mother Nature will be displeased if you play about in her garden in order to refill your spirit with joy. The world is bright and beautiful for a reason.

Picture by Soull

If you’re really worried about going and picking flowers because you’d ruin their beauty, think about incorporating them into spell work or even fun art projects!

+ Journey off the beaten path. If you’re walking down a trail that is familiar to you, how about stepping off the path and venturing off in another direction? You may see things you’ve never seen before, or find a faster route, or a more scenic one. You might even get lost. You can turn a normal walk into a grand adventure! But please be responsible with this one! [No walking off cliffs, for example, because you weren't paying attention.  Safety first!]

+ Sing to the animals. And the trees, and the grass, and the sky. Why? Because if you’re out in the middle of the woods, no one can hear you! This is especially good for witches and mundanes who can’t seem to hold a note—let alone carry it though the woods with them.

+ Feel the earth. Seeing is not something you do with just your eyes. Take off your shoes and bury your toes in the dirt. Tickle through the grass. Touch and feel the bark on the trees, or the softness of a flower petal. Throw acorns or pine cones and run around.

+ Imagine this is your home. What fun could it be to live in the woods? You could pretend you’re a beautiful forest nymph, a free-spirited fairy or a tricky pixie. If those notions are too fantastical for you, you can always imagine being a dashing elf or a road-weary wanderer living off the land. What would you do? Mimic the actions; create your own storyline! Soon, you may find the new world you’ve created is something to come back to.

Picture by Soull

+ Cloud gaze. If the weather (mainly the hot, hot sun) is forgiving, splay out in the grass, sand, or rocks and cloud gaze. On a sunny day, concentrate on finding shapes and pictures. Make a game of finding make-believe “prophecies” in the clouds (or do it for real: its called nephomancy, by the way). On more cloud days, you can still practice your aeromancy [divination by observing atmospheric, air, or sky phenomena] by studying the atmospheric conditions: the roll of thunder, the way the clouds shape and move in the air, and color. It’s also great for meditating, as it’s rather easy to lose yourself watching a steady stream of grey clouds. Just make sure to get home quickly if it starts raining!

While out in the wide world of nature, make sure you also regard personal safety. Take your cellphone with you if applicable, and if it’s hot, make sure to carry with you a bottle of water and maybe a snack.  Don’t let what is supposed to be a good experience turn into a miserable one. If you find you’re not enjoying yourself, head home and try it again another day.  Perhaps it was too hot, or too cold, or maybe just a bad day in general for fun and fancy. It happens!

Hopefully you find these tips enjoyable! ♥ Have fun, and remember witches, that even when not casting spells (or for you mundanes, even if you’re not a witch) you can put a little bit of magick into your day-to-day life.

Love,
Soull, the University Witch