Santa is Our God!


The man we bow to

Apparently Santa is the universal god of pagans/paganism.  Seriously.  Cuz, newsflash, it says so in the Bible!  The Common Man’s Reference Bible, by David Hoffman.  A Bible printed only in the last few years from what I can tell (and which costs $72 according to its main seller’s website…seems like a hefty price for a Bible).

Here is the passage which claims that Santa is the universal god of pagans:

“The universal god of pagans is Santa Claus.  The famous words of Santa/Satan came from the Bible.  This satanic counterfeit is arrayed in red (blood) and white (purity).  He is hailed to be omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent as he travels the world giving gifts to children.  His sleigh is supposed to be pulled by flying reindeer (Song. 2:8-9) with a drunken, red-nosed reindeer in the lead.  His little green elves are defined as wandering spirits (Rev. 16:13); evil spirits; and devils in Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language.  Santa (feminine) Claus (masculine) is an unisex freak of Satan (Jer. 10:2; Dan. 11:37).”
(For a visual of the Bible page, click here.)

Oh, so much to pick apart…

This drivel was a footnote to a passage of this Bible which included the words “Ho, ho.”  Aside from the fact that the guy who wrote this footnote is completely misinterpreting a number of things, the footnote is utter tripe but unfortunately fairly typical of fundamentalist/evangelical thinking.  Who hasn’t heard of SANTA= SATAN?  And I know that most fundies don’t make logical sense, but I can’t help but wonder: if Santa is satanic, why then is he wearing white, the color of purity?  Seems counter-intuitive to me, but then I’m not David Hoffman.  It must have made sense in his mind when he wrote it.

Someone tell me, when did Rudolph become a drunken reindeer?  That is something I have never heard of.  Poor little guy, he’s a victim of libel.  And how exactly is he supposed to get drunk anyway?  Did someone pour a bunch of ale or beer into a trough and Rudolph drank it up like the big drunkard he is?

And as a linguist, I must take issue with the assignment of gender to the individual words “Santa” and “Claus.”  In other languages, those words may have a gender assignment, and it is true that “-a” is often indicative of a feminine noun while lack of a vowel can be indicative of neutral or masculine words.  BUT English is not a language that has grammatical gender!  Santa Claus is no more unisex due to the structure of his English name than President Obama is female because of the feminine ending to his surname.  Whatever source the author got that information from clearly had no understanding of basic linguistics.

So if Santa is our god, how do we worship Him?  He brings us gifts, what does he expect from us in return?  Are we supposed to leave Him a gift under the tree?  Or are the gifts just in the form of sustenance?  That would explain all the cookies and milk.

And the biggest contradiction of all… wait for it…

Christmas is a CHRISTIAN HOLIDAY (despite the pagan roots we all know it has).  Santa operates only on Christmas Eve.  Does that not make Santa Christian?  How can Santa be the ultimate pagan god when he’s a Christian fixture?  (And Satan is a CHRISTIAN element.  Apparently the fundies seem to think that we believe in their theology even when we aren’t a part of their religion.  Go figure.)

However, as I said before, fundamentalists tend to not make logical sense….

Related post and inspiration for this post is from Unreasonable Faith.

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5 responses to “Santa is Our God!

  1. Like the Energizer Bunny, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer got his start as an advertising gimmick. A copywriter named Robert L. May first created the merry misfit in 1939 to lure shoppers into the Montgomery Ward department store. Frosty the Snowman and his famous corncob pipe couldn’t escape the clutches of the advertising industry either; a whiskeymaker in 1890 used Frosty’s likeness to showcase an entirely different kind of holiday cheer. Once Prohibition ended, the chain-smoking snowman quickly became the go-to guy for alcohol ads, appearing in posters for Miller beer, Jack Daniel’s, Ballantine ale, Rheingold beer, Schlitz beer, Schenley, Oretel’s lager beer, Chivas Regal scotch, Fort Pitt pale ale, Mount Whitney beer and Four Roses.

    http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1868506_1868508_1868521,00.html

  2. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I…I did a weird double take on reading that passage.

    My mind…I think I lost IQ points reading that nonsense. I can’t even begin to just…words can’t describe how amazingly bad that is. And if this guy is claiming to be Christian then he’s failing miserably. If the only defense to his own beliefs are to bash and create falsehoods on the beliefs of others then his faith is already weak. As is the faith of anyone else who will believe this mess.

    Also…using the bible the claim can also be made to show that the Christian God has both masculine and feminine traits. So would he then say that his God is a unisex freak? Ooohhh…what about people who literally are born with traits of both sexes? So many questions I would love to ask this guy but I’m just going to avoid him. So tempting…

    I feel like I have to bash my head against a wall now.

    I second the poor Rudolph sentiment. Poor guy didn’t deserve that. Why is he drunk? You know…I shouldn’t try to understand it. I just shouldn’t…

    Though Santa’s not a figure pertaining to any religion in particular. He’s just kinda there. There’s a whole story behind Santa Claus, but I’m not completely sure of the entire story.

    • We know we shouldn’t try to understand the thinking behind things like this, yet still we try to apply some logic to it all. Strange.

      Santa, or a Santa-like figure, does come from many different countries and cultures. If I remember correctly, there are a number of folk stories with versions of Santa or gift-giving elves dating back to ancient Germans, but don’t quote me on that. I’m not too certain of my information! However he is so closely related to Christmas now that it’s difficult to separate him from this particular holiday, I think.

    • I think you’re a coward. You read these blogs of hateful people with nothing else to do but make fun of others they don’t even know. I wish you would talk to him ,instead of hiding behind a computer screen, but you won’t because this is what your type does. Be a man and actually find out what someone is about instead of what someone else says, you have a mind of your own right?? You should use it every once in a while instead of letting others think for you. I feel sorry for you.

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