Love Spells and Influencing Other Peoples’ Will


What an attention-grabbing title!  If three years of high school journalism taught me anything, it’s that the title should always grab attention.  And what a provocative and debated subject!  If I don’t get a bunch of traffic from “love spells” alone, I’ll be shocked.

Love spells are one of those things that are popular, greatly discussed yet secretive, and one of the most misunderstood and stereotypical topics.  In general, I think most people don’t like to talk about love magick (especially in America, where most of us are prudes and sex is a dirty topic) but want to find information about it nonetheless.

Does this mean I’m going to give you love spells?  Hells no.  And while I might share some ideas for love magick later on, I will not be giving any recipes for spells or potions or anything else, and love magick is a topic for another day.  This post is more a discussion on the ethics of love magick and what that means in the context of the Rede and such.

Image from ThinkGeek.com

The Rede–granted, this belongs mainly to Wicca, but many other Pagans outside of Wicca also adhere to this–says “An it harm none, do what thou wilt.”  What does this mean for love magick?  In this context, it’s generally understood to mean that a love spell is not a good thing to do because it is harming the person the spell is directed toward, and it does so because the spell makes them more susceptible to the suggestion that they should be in a relationship (of some kind, from booty call to full-on boyfriend/girlfriend) with the caster.  It interferes with their free will and freedom of choice.

Another take on love spells I’ve heard fairly recently is that this view is–for lack of a better word–ridiculous.  The argument against the “love spells interfere with free will” idea ran thus: a spell cannot actually control someone else’s will, and if the spell “succeeds”, then the person it was cast on was already open to the idea presented in the spell.  So, for example, if I were to cast a love spell on a guy I like so that he asks me out, and he actually does ask me out, then the spell didn’t really influence his free will, it only “worked” because he was already open to the idea.

I can see both sides of this, I think.  I personally would not cast a love spell on another person.  That isn’t to say I never have–when I first started out in exploring the Pagan path, I cast at least two love spells on a particular person.  They didn’t work, surprise, surprise, and I actually felt pretty horrible about it after with just the thought that I might be controlling or influencing someone else.  I believe it’s wrong to intentionally send energy to or cast on another person without their consent.  If I were to cast a spell for love, it would be more general and less specific–meaning, I would be looking to attract love but not a specific person, so I wouldn’t be placing energy on someone else.  Does that make sense?

This site actually has a decent spell.

Image from eHow.com

While I can see the argument that a love spell can’t actually control someone’s free will like we think of in fairy tales and stories, I also think it’s imprudent to discount so heavily the influence energy can have on another person.  Can you make someone fall head over heels in love with you and be your love slave forever?  No.  I doubt very much that that is possible.  But if you send enough energy their way looking for love from them, I do think it’s reasonable to think that if given enough time (and assuming that the person isn’t already open to the idea of love with the caster) the target’s natural energetic defenses could wear down and make them more susceptible to the suggestion of the spell.  In some way, shape, or form, I think the love spell does have an effect on the targeted person, and I can’t see how that is right or justified in any way.

So, to summarize:

  • I will not give out love spells.  So don’t even ask.
  • A love spell or love potion does not work like they do in fairy tales and movies to create an immediate or all-consuming lover.  Such spells and potions instead tend to give the suggestion of love to the targeted person.
  • While a love spell will not allow the caster to control another person’s will, I do think the spell can allow the caster to give the suggestion to the target.
  • It is not wise to think that energy targeted to another person will have no effect at all, even if it is not the intended effect.
  • Instead of casting a love spell on a specific person, I recommend performing love magick that draws love to you rather than a specific person.  This avoids the idea that you as the caster are influencing someone else’s free will and choice, as all you are doing is sending out energy to the universe saying that you’re looking for and are open to love.

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5 responses to “Love Spells and Influencing Other Peoples’ Will

  1. I am braka i lives in slovakia and i was in a serious relationship with my Ex Guy for three good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us.. Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to one of the spiritual diviner (arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com).at first i thought it was not going to be possible and i contacted him i was ask to come up with a little requirement information of me and my Ex Guy,so i did what i was ask to do, after 24Hours after the spell was cast i was in my office when my Ex Guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me,so ever since we have been happily married with one kid my lovely baby(Ceslav)…i wish you the best of luck…

  2. ❤ Tori. Well-put response.

    Gardner derived Wicca from, of all things, Crowley's teachings (which is okay, because Crowley's own originality is highly overrated, and Gardner made something pretty respectable out of a lot of nonsense [the nonsense also being, in its way, pretty respectable]). Okay, clearly I learned nothing from high school journalism, because all those clauses in one sentence would not fly in an article. Anyway, The Law of Thelema states:

    "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will."

    I understand this, not to mean "love by force!", but rather quite the opposite. True love and true freedom are one path. That goes for all of us. Me. My beloved.

    (Note: the following paragraph contains the second person. This is a general "you", and I don't mean to be preachy, but passionate.)

    Trying to force something to work your way, right this minute, is its own punishment. Impatience breeds frustration, and being overly attached leads to a closed mind which shrinks and shrinks until, inevitably, it collapses on itself. Something's gotta give, and usually it's the blasted relationship (or hope for a specific one).

    I do not do love spells. Shit. Think of all the losers I could have married if I'd had my way at age 14, 15, 17… 21, 22. 😛 Performing a love spell indicates doubt and insecurity in the caster, traits that are more likely to destroy one's chances/a relationship than create one. It also (being stubborn, and leaving little room for challenges/personal growth) diverts the natural emotional flow of two people toward resentment and guilt, which gets in the way of respect and love.

    When you scream at Mother Nature that things MUST go this way, NOW, Mother Nature tends to kick your ass. Not because she's angry, nor because she loves you, but because we don't fully understand how she works, we can't see the future, we can't see into another person's soul and we'll never be finished figuring out our own. So it's incredibly vain and shallow to cast a love spell, like getting a person's name tattooed on your skin as if that alone means they're yours forever. What the hell? You want love, don't try to skip steps along the path. Do the work on yourself, the shadow work, the healing work, the work that involves others, that enriches the world; do your service work, practice patience, practice balance, occasional excess. Earn some money, spend some money. Explore.

    Love is half compatibility, half good timing. Compatibility is something we can see and feel, but good timing tends to be out of our hands. It just happens. Consider the man (or woman) of your dreams. Consider him meeting someone exciting, well-rounded, well-travelled, well-read, multi-talented, whole, and independently happy – someone who, if you're insecure, would make you totally jealous (a sure sign that you're not ready for him). Consider him also meeting you, a shy person whose magical wooing is kind of cute and therefore charming, but not really anything of substance. Who do you want him to choose? Not you, the shy spellcaster. But maybe you, the whole person who's ready and free of self-doubt, ready to soar, not just longing for soaring (and yes, you can still be a cute wooing spellcaster – but what else are you? Who have you created for this great man of your dreams to fall in love with? Now that's romance!).

    I lied. I've done love spells, but they were completely open-ended. Things like, "Whatever happens, let us always honor each other as well as we do now." That means we could get married eventually, we could break up but still be great friends, or we could totally lose contact, but remember each other in the greatest way possible. And whatever the case, it requires honesty and trust, which the shallow sort of bottled love spell undermines from the start. "I trust myself to keep my heart open to the greatest form of love in my life right now" is a valid love spell, or "I trust the Goddess to send me the greatest form of love, and I will be open to it." But "Danny will fall in love with me. Danny is totally in love with me, and will be mine for ever… because hey, I have one of his hairs and now I'm burning a candle!" makes the Goddess barf. By which I mean, it makes ME barf, and I assume the Goddess does too because I am arrogant.

    On the stupid end of things? I have not cast the Dannybarf spells, but I have altered my divinations in order to validate bad relationships, instead of reading the cards as they are, listening to my gut, and doing the right (i.e. not shortsighted) thing for higher, real, fully ready and willing love. Thankfully, such actions are, as I said, their own punishment. I have passed through the worst of the consequences (which may be karmic, but are more than anything practical matters; listen, if you build a sandcastle, what do you expect might happen?), and moved on to better things. ^_^

    Anyway, I do hope this topic gets your blog a lot of hits. XD I sure got involved in the discussion.

    tl;dr Magick does not exist for instant gratification, and so any love spell rooted in that sort of intent is dumb.

  3. I have never cast a love spell on another person, but I have cast general ones to bring some specific characteristics to myself. It worked eventually. Took sometime, but I feel only because it needed to.
    I’ve heard both arguments about love spells and I’m not sure which one I believe. For me, it honestly comes down to “Will they actually love me or is it the spell?” I will not have the chance to do actual scientific studies to find that out, so it is not worth the risk for me.
    I might cast arguably similar spells in the future. Say my child has a habit of going to dangerous places or just can’t seem to leave an unhealthy relationship, I will cast bindings and banishings or whatever I determine I need. I’ll trust that if he/she wants this badly enough they will overcome my spell, but if it is a lesser desire I will protect them. Of course, I don’t proscribe to the Wiccan Rede, so I have a lot more wiggle room than some.

    • Some great points Tori, thanks! I especially like the point about whether the person really loves you or if it’s the influence of the spell. It’s very true, and since there’s no way to test it, it’s not worth it. It’s so much better to cast the general spell to attract general love than to try to cast on a specific person.

      I’m just glad I worked myself out of that Fluffy Bunny phase in which I actually thought those love spells I cast would work. I was so silly back then! Now I know better, and I’m just glad those two spells didn’t cause any harm, except maybe on myself with the amount of worry I put myself through.

    • I did love spells not once, but twice. Both times I didn’t have a target per say, but I had descriptions of what I thought I needed/wanted in a partner (just like you did). 1st time the descriptions matched, we were together for 6 months, and then I realised that’s not what I wanted. This lesson not being good enough, 4,5 years later I did another spell just describing a potential partner. I met someone just like that and we were together for 5,5 years.

      From my experience, even when you don’t mess with particularly someone’s free will, you are still changing the possibility of actuality meeting someone that will really be good for you, because of an ideal or fantasy of what you *think* you want. But what the heart and the soul wants is always a mistery that cannot be put on words.

      So my advice is: don’t do love spells.

      Today I was cleaning my room, and decided to get rid of some of my exs stuff – we broke up 2 months a go. And then I decided to do a ritual to thank for the lesson learned, to clean all negativity that are still hanging from these poor decisions, and for me to be able to move on from this.

      Life and the Universe are far greater wiser than we are.

      Also, doing a generic love spell, to bring love to your life, even if you don’t call for a specific person or traits, I would think now that it’s not a good choice either. You could rush things for yourself, open yourself to the wrong person, you could have learned something important being single but you are now in a relationship.

      In the 3 cases (1. generic, 2. traits in mind, 3. person in mind) I would not recommend it. Let life flow and give to the Universe beautiful energy, and in return you will get positive outomes. It could be in the form of a love partner or many many many other perfect things 🙂

      – I feel like I needed to post my views on the subject in a form to try to help other people to think about it. I don’t want to convince anyone, and if you want to do something, I’m not the one saying whats right or wrong. But if you are looking for different aproaches on the topic, I wanted to give mine 🙂

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