A Low Point


I have recently come to accept that I’ve reached a low point in my spirituality.  I’m sure I’m not the first, nor will I be the last, to realize that sometimes a spiritual crisis doesn’t necessarily mean something has to happen to you, but rather nothing can happen to you.  (Did that make sense?  That may have made more sense in my head than on screen . . . )

I don’t know what to call this period in my spirituality.  A low point?  A slow period?  A fallow time?  Whatever it is, it’s the reason I haven’t been around on the blog lately.  I’ve felt burned out.  The beliefs I held before are still there (well, the majority of them), but the practices that made me a practicing Pagan now feel hollow and shallow.  It’s because there’s no emotion behind the practice.  There’s no feeling, no oomph to drive things forward and create a real connection.  Even the thought of practice makes me cringe right now, because I just don’t feel like I have the energy, or like I could muster the energy.  It would feel hollow and fake, and that’s no way to approach magical (or spiritual) practice.

This is why I haven’t been around on here, my beloved blog, very much in the past few months.  I’ve found myself wondering what to write about.  Since I chose to leave the coven classes, I’ve found myself faced with the questions of what to do next, where to go next, what to write about next.  If I’m not involved in spiritual practice, how then could I write about it without feel like some kind of awful pretender?  This is what I have found myself facing, and I don’t have any other answer except rather than trying to find the next activity, next destination on my spiritual path, next article idea . . . I just take this slow time to discover who I am and what the hell I really want for myself and my life.  No better time than now to consider those questions.  Rather than try to force through something that does not feel right anymore, rather than try to keep busy and move forward spiritually . . . just let it be.  Allow the slow period to happen and then pull myself up when the time is right.

I am not shutting down the blog.  I will be back, I promise.  I don’t know when, but I will.  I will create posts as inspiration strikes.  Eventually, I’ll get back into blogging here more regularly and I look forward to reading all of your comments and insights when I do!

Have any of you experienced something like this?  What did you do or how did you get through it?

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12 responses to “A Low Point

  1. Charlotte Castaway

    Hi, I’m Charlotte, and I’ve been reading and enjoying your blog as I try to decide whether or not Paganism is the right path for me. You have a good balance of different subjects, and you always tell it like it is, which is quite refreshing! Your posts are always interesting, insightful, and beautifully written.
    I just wanted to leave you a positive message, which will hopefully pick you up a little and make you smile 🙂

    I wish you luck on your spiritual journey!!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words Charlotte! I hope to feel like I’m ready to restart the blog soon. I don’t know if I’ll be quite ready for many opinion pieces, but I might be about ready to restart the informational articles (the stones, tarot, weekly deity, etc.). We’ll see!

  2. Hey there, this is coming way late. Not sure if you’ll read this or not. But, here’s my perspective. It’s awesome you came to a low point. Why? Because, it’s forcing you to look closer at your beliefs and you. If your beliefs were always the same how is that growth? The fact that the system you were no longer feeds an emotional need to work it, means that it’s time to for you to search for something else. And it also doesn’t mean searching has to happen now. I want to be every changing, always evolving. I want my beliefs to grow and change, because I grow and change.
    And don’t put yourself in box. Discovering who you are and what you want is part of spiritual growth and a practice. Just because it’s not defined doesn’t mean it’s not being done. Looking forward to your return.

    • Thank you for your kind words and your insight, Scarlet. I appreciate hearing from my readers! I am still keeping tabs on comments and questions that come in. I’m hoping to feel like I can restart the blog again soon.

  3. I’m being really basicly practical here. A sabbatical, but that requires working in your field. How about finding some witch thing that can just be, like fill-in-the-blank? I think even a slow period can be productive. I sleep alot! Essentially, I pamper my self in non-witchy ways. I think that “what comes around goes around” isn’t just negative. I have faith that (even though I don’t know you) you will find balance, with or without your site and blog.

    I’m new, so if my comment isn’t appropriate, I’m sorry.

    Hilary

    • Hey Hilary, welcome! Thanks for your comment! Balance is the goal, it’s just the process of change and growth that is uncomfortable. To discover that the practices I had thought were a good fit no longer work all that well for me is discomfiting and a little unnerving. I find I ask myself what I should be doing instead, but the answer is usually “whatever has the most meaning to me”–so nothing is clearly defined and likely won’t be for a while. I know I’m still a Pagan, for sure–just a non-practicing one at the moment. =)

      Anyway, welcome to the blog, I hope you enjoy!

  4. Oh hey, you inspired me to start a discussion. 🙂
    (Don’t mind Viral – he’s a silly boy and a known troll.)

    http://occultcorpus.com/forums/index.php?/topic/26108-for-those-whose-affairs-with-paradigms-are-past/page__view__findpost__p__144462

    • Some interesting comments. Most weren’t worth the time it took to read them. Can’t say I appreciate being called a “bad witch” (someone else used the troll’s words) simply because my practice/spirituality is undergoing a change. But it got more comments than I thought it would, so I suppose that’s something.

      • My goodness, what an arrogant and butthurt response. ❤ I guess there's nothing more to say.

        • My comment was rather harsh, true, but it does sum up how I felt upon reading some of the commentary. Lesson for me: don’t comment while tired or feeling emotional. Some of the comments were interesting and insightful. However, I can also say I didn’t particularly appreciate some of their assumptions and comments about me/my post. My original post was somewhat sloppy and does not come close to expressing the full story, yet some of them felt they could comment and make assumptions as if they knew me and knew the whole story. (Alas, the curse of the Internet.) That is what bothered me the most, because their assumptions were very wrong. Here on the blog, people are generally more familiar with me and have more of the story, leading to more valuable comments.

          That only applies to the people who commented on my original post in some way, not to the rest of the discussion. The rest of it had little to do with me and more to do with everyone else sharing their stories, so those comments aren’t included in the above. That part was an interesting discussion. I’m only talking about the people who commented about the original posting(s).

          • Yeah, commenting (and, shamefully, posting) while emotionally compromised are definitely lessons I’ve learned the hard way, more than once, and all too recently.

            But detaching myself from my writing – even if it’s autobiographical, even if it’s on my personal Facebook – is something I learned a long time ago, and it gives you lots of creative freedom, not to mention peace of mind when people throw phrases like “bad witch” around. It’s true that these strange new readers don’t know you, and to me that makes it much easier to avoid taking comments on my writing too personally. It is a product of you, not you. Misinterpretation only prompts me to consider my own effectiveness as a writer, as you have done by considering the original post sloppy (which is, of course, your call).

            Sorry for calling you out so bluntly before, but I’m glad you recognized it as tough love and not outright hostility (if it helps, my friends have also called me out when I’ve made the aforementioned mistakes). I never want to make you feel uncomfortable writing on your own blog!

  5. I’ve been experiencing this since 2010 and it’s more liberating than anything!

    Those moments when the old spiritual patterns come to visit are, as a consequence, very special, such that when I burn sage I mean it. When I do a Tarot reading I mean it. When I burn a candle I mean it, and so on, and I mean it in a way that gives me more joy and peace and healing than it ever could if I were trying all the time to prove I’m “real”, or whatever.

    None of it’s real; it’s all made up, and that’s real. This can be said even of the five senses.

    It’s like I had a lover, and not quite knowing the nature of ourselves yet we committed to each other, and then we got into that rut, and couldn’t spark the romance – I was so sick and tired of him jabbering on about the paranormal, and he felt so insulted when I preferred to just /do/ things without burning a damn candle first. We separated, gave it some distance, and eventually split.

    And now he’s my most beloved friend. 🙂

    So, oddly, I’m happy for you.

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